The Naughty Natal Report
Sexual Astrological Interpretations of a Humorous Kind for
Bill Clinton
August 19, 1946
8:51 AM
Hope, Arkansas |
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This astrological analysis is based
on the following astrological data:
Sun 26 Leo 00
Moon 20 Tau 18
Mercury 7 Leo 36
Venus 11 Lib 07
Mars 6 Lib 21
Standard time observed
GMT: 14:51:00 Time Zone: 6 hours West
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Sun in Leo:
Leo: Key Words: How great thou Art! What more needs to
be said?
"I did it for you, what do you mean you won't do it for me?", says
the unappreciated Leo. That sums up the main
characteristics of the Leo native, except they need to
communicate without the use of a sledge hammer to
bring their point across.
Positive attributes for Leo natives is that they don't carry grudges in any
situation, it is too much of an effort,
instead Leo's carry coolers full of party favors around with them at all times,
just in case an opportunity for fun and amusement comes up, and oh yes, Leo's
talk very loud. Leos hate to
compete, mainly because they are having too
good a time and prefer doing nothing. It's an automatic
"You win, let's party" situation.
Leo's will spend every dime they have and some they don't have (on the old
credit cards) to make an impression on this
weeks love God or Goddess. In some instances (more
than not) the Leo's search for romance and conquering proves very expensive,
and very unsatisfying, if at takes place at all! The
Leo male will find it amazing that they bring candy, flowers and all the
niceties on a date or other informal setting and don't score, or their
expectations are shot down, and then the same object of this Leo's affections
will go out with the first person who mistreats them (figuratively) and maul
them like a tigress making love for the very first time. It
just baffles the Leo mind, but still he/she never gives up the pursuit of
whatever they are pursuing?
Typical male or female Leo careers can be found in
Publishing or TV productions (you know the one, come on up to
my office and read a script for me) and writing plays or movies.
Marriage for the Leo male or female is like playing Russian Roulette with a
slight twist. In this case, all the chambers have a
bullet.
Moon in Taurus:
The Emotions - This is what I really need to
be complete.
The almighty dollar is their weakness, it makes them strong, needed, and gives
them a strong sense of power over others. A real
stubbornness exists with people with Moon in Taurus that simply must have the
last word in any conversation and, cannot stop
or give in to any situation even though they
know they are dead wrong . . . . "I know money is
what I need, I'm insecure!" says the typical Taurean,
"and I hate to charge you anything at all
for my services", "But that will be $35. just
the same."
If you want to see a Moon in Taurus native
blow a fuse and have an emotional breakdown (which isn't probable under normal
circumstances), give them two things to do at
the same time and tell them you need them both, yesterday, or see if they can
juggle and chew gum at the same time. You'll probably
get the reply "Do you want me to chew
gum, or juggle, now make up your mind!" Just for
a laugh, tell this Moon in Taurus native you are going to
make a change in their job description. Lead it off
with "To Include: In addition to your
present job, the list that follows:" Ah, the panic in their minds as gears
change, brain cells snap, the eyes go buggy and around in circles, and
"terror" rattles the nervous system, then, the inevitable cigarette
goes into the mouth, like a pacifier.
The Moon in Taurus's emotions tend to be
steady, just like making bank deposits week after week, after week, easy does
it! Yes, we are secure now, and we're feeling much
better, thank you! You can always tell an emotionally
unhappy Moon in Taurus person because they always wind up with sore throats or
problems with the throat, or have their heads buried in the cookie jar and any
form of sweets.
The typical Moon in Taurus native is very practical, and uses instinct in
emotional situations. This means, that if it feels
good, and they can profit by it, they'll do it, no
matter what the task!
Moon in Taurus natives never rush into love,
for love to them is like moldy cheese in the
refrigerator, just waiting to
be thrown out because they just never got around to
it. At that very moment, they take notice of it. Courtships are not the Moon in Taurus's style, because to
them, it is just a bunch of Indians running around in circles.
After awhile, they forget who is who and why. Moon
in Taurus natives don't commit easily, and when they do, they should be
committed, literally. In other words, some people find
commitments give strength to relationships,
but Moon in Taurus people see it as a sign of
ownership.
Mercury in Leo:
Mercury represents the thought process and what the mind sends to
the body. Mercury rules how we communicate, what we
talk about, and what we think about. Bearing that in
mind, here is what they are apt to think and
talk about.
These people have the ability to write and
talk to other people who aren't there, and
this is the person who can play act a part with or without a partner. "Oh to be me, for all the world to see!"
Remember in the Wizard of Oz and the Tin Man who wanted a brain? Enough said! They must learn to
exercise their mind some, in other words start using it.
These natives are the authors of the unabridged version of:" My mouth is
open. I will utter something, and you will admire and
adore me". Mercury in Leo people can be best described as "The Phony, trying to
push Bologna!"
For Mercury in Leo people, love takes place in the mind, but falls short in the
physical, leaving you exhausted and frustrated. In
their mind however, they had a great time and feel that their partner
should say it was great as well. After all, she/he was
there too! Or were
they?
A story is just a story,
but with a little exaggeration mixed with a little accentuation and a whole lot
of imagination, and it is not a story anymore. It becomes an event, an adventure, a metaphor of meadow
muffins, and a downright hilarious one at that! I should know for it is
I, the author of this satirical interpretation who has spent long hours putting
together this mindless piece of artwork. I am a gosh darned one man show, with the applauds, the
thank you's, and the endless speeches with no one
else around. I think it makes for fun reading though,
don't you? Well, what do you know anyway? On with the show!
Venus in Libra:
Venus defined is: Romance, the action that brings satisfaction. Food, flowers, little chubby people shooting arrows,
fertility, and lots of groveling. Here is how the art
of love is interpreted by this placement of Venus:
Never come home and say to this person,
"Gee, the house looks great!, but you look a bit frumpy!". This will start Niagara Falls
flowing.
Expect to find the Venus in Libra home
rearranged. . . . often!
They have a talent for nastiness, and can swear so fluently that it frightens
everyone. To be fair, there are those who hate coarse
behavior. In this instance, body slamming isn't a turn
on, and a gentler approach should be sought. Try
dipping them in chocolate and let nature take its course. This
sign must be careful with chocolates, sweets and excessive sex, as it weakens
the kidneys. More water must be ingested to
keep them in tip top shape.
Harmony in courtship and marriage is extremely important to
the Venus in Libra. Remember you can't
seduce them with heavy rock music playing in the background because you may
wind up with a very nervous lover.
These people look for relationships that are bonded, like cement, and
impossible to get out of unless you disrupt
the aura around them (sorry, didn't mean to
get esoteric).
Venus in Libra is another air sign which means that you have to
go to the cloud they live on to
communicate. Just be careful where you step though, it
is a long way down. They need mental stimulation so
try saying "I love you" in many different voices until you find one
that strikes their fancy. Dirty movies live in the
realm of mental stimulation, so try a Dirty Harry movie or some pornographic
facsimile.
Venus in Libra people may be attracted to
older lovers at some point, especially if they have money. They
love money as it represents security, and if your intended is much older, then
they won't have to wait long to
inherit. It's boorish, cruel and the truth. On the other hand, you can be attracted to
VERY young ones as well. Here is where the phrase
"robbing" the baby carriage came from.
These people have a great sense of hearing. You must
be careful when you talk about them because they invented the saying "The Walls Have Ears".
Mars in Libra:
Mars defined: "Its get down and dirty time". Raw
passions unleashed upon suspecting and non suspecting persons.
Actions desiring prompt and equal reactions of any kind. To get very specific, this is how this great bundle of
energy is used in the personal natal chart. This is
how that energy interacts with their surroundings.
Rulership is mine says this placement of Mars. You need a partner who is open to
love making adventures, like diving off a cliff or having sex in the path of an
approaching speedboat. This is true excitement!
At other times they are so considerate of their romantic partner, that they
will sit down with them and fill out a questionnaire of likes and dislikes,
turn ons and turnoffs, times, dates and places. How sweet and considerate, and a true description of Mars
in Libra.
These people must have their own way with this position of Libra. They swing like the scales, an easy going pain in the neck. They can be kind and gentile, or drive you off the road in
their car. If this person would ever learn that anger
isn't the answer and adopt an attitude of waiting, the desired outcome will
come to pass, but no, they've got to
take matters into their own hands screwing up
the works. Well, see if I care then!
Oddly enough, a lousy marriage is like spiritual awareness in the final
examination of things for these natives. They are very
intuitive people and must learn to be
aggressive and humble equally. In other words learn when to act and
when to shut up!
This placement has all the intimacy of two people running towards
each other without their feet ever touching
the ground. Think about it, it will come to
you. Here is the person who is able to
make love to an illusion, or some reasonable
facsimile.
They have a talent for nastiness, and can swear so fluently that is frightens
everyone